Fingers Crossed

So I must tell you this year has been a little tough me and Dave. Obviously losing Lucille was incredibly hard in January and I am so sad that I cannot talk to her about our infertility issues. We have been trying to have a baby since last July with no avail. But I know that when it is our time - it will happen. But I thought I would share my experience so far since maybe there is someone out there, a blog reader, who is going through the same thing. It's funny to me that we women try for so long not to get pregnant but then when we want to, we can't. I got off of my birth control last July and gained a bit of weight from that (which I later found out was really due to my thyroid). Then I noticed that I hadn't had a period. And the period still never came for months so after 6 months of no period I went to the doctor. I had a few tests and found out that my thyroid was not working at all. This is called hypothyroidism (yay). So they put me on medicine for that and we waited to see if my period would start because sometimes hypothyroidism can be to blame. But it never came. The doctor then put me on a medicine to start my cycle again.  This was so bothersome because without a period you aren't ovulating so there is no chance of getting pregnant. Then thankfully my period did come and I went back to the doctor and he did this horrible HSG test.  OMG what a painful experience! They inject iodine into your hoo-ha in this oh so painful way and watch it spread on an x-ray. But we found that all was good there which was great because if it wasn't that would have meant surgery. So our next step was for me to take progesterone because through blood tests the doctor found that my body wasn't producing any at all. I took it for a month and went back to the doctor but when they tested me, my progesterone level was a .3 and a normal progesterone level is in the teens. This made me sad. Why could this not be an easier experience? The most recent step (last month) was to put me on Clomid. I was dreading this because Clomid has such a bad reputation - it causes big weight gain and crazy mood swings. I didn't have the mood swings but I did have the weight gain, again. I mean you'd think when you are struggling with infertility that you wouldn't have to struggle with weight gain too?! lol. I am trying to look on the bright side and think that this is all for a great cause and that it will have a wonderful result in the end. But I must mention that the weight gain is not fun at all. This past weekend was my cousin's graduation and Dave and I were the heaviest of my family that were there. I just wanted to cry and of course say, I look like this for a reason! I suppose I shouldn't be so vain but you get your good days with your bad and today happens to be a bummer of a day. Whenever I say to my friends that I have gained weight they typically would say, "oh stop no you are not!" but now they say nothing.... and I know the answer :( I wish I could wear a sign that says "infertile, trying to get pregnant, on a lot of meds that make you fat" But obviously, that would be insane. So right now, I am going to strive to keep my chin up, cross our fingers very tightly and pray for a great reward in the next few months!